Hey, there! If you’re reading this, chances are you’re wondering why you feel sad after sex/masturbation and are looking for ways to deal with it. Or perhaps you stumbled upon my previous blog post where I shared my own journey with post-coital dysphoria (PCD) or post-sex blues.
Either way, welcome!
In this blog post, I will share with you my personal ways that help me make my post-sex blues more manageable. Through my experience, I’ve come to realize that it’s not really something you can cure once and for all; but instead, it’s a journey of self-discovery and self-care.
I know that doesn’t sound like the answer you’re looking for but it’s okay – I got you.
Here are some ways on how to cope with post-coital dysphoria or post-sex blues:
1) Know that it is normal
This one’s not exactly a strategy but this one is huge for me. When I was younger and I didn’t have anyone to play with but myself, I’d always feel this crushing wave of sadness and guilt after doing it. Growing up with the belief that masturbation was a disgusting and sinful act, I frequently found myself feeling like a sinner throughout my teenage years.
Then as I matured, met more people, and learned more things, I consciously made the decision to stop making myself feel bad for pleasuring myself.
But did that do the trick? No.
Rather than feeling like a sinner, my feelings evolved into questions of self-worth and an underlying sense of emptiness.
Why am I so alone? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe I’m not normal? WHY AM I SO SAD ALL OF A SUDDEN?! IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?!?!
When I finally learned that what I was going through was normal and that many people share a similar experience, it made things a lot easier. Although it doesn’t make the heavy feelings lighter, it taught me to simply observe how I feel instead of ruminating on my own thoughts.
2) Sleep
Now that I don’t have to stay awake and worry about whether something is wrong with me anymore, I can simply reassure myself that I’m okay, then close my eyes and go to sleep.
After all, they say ‘sleep solves everything,’ and as someone who loves sleep, I wholeheartedly agree.
3) Boyfriend Audios / Audio Erotica
We all know about visual porn and literary erotica
already. However, a lot of people are still unfamiliar with the gem that is audio erotica.These boyfriend audios typically involve soothing voices and interesting storylines that will transport you into an entirely different world of la la la pleasure! But the thing that I love the most about it is their take on aftercare– a concept often overlooked in mainstream media depictions of sex.
Best Kept Secret is my favorite and personal go-to for these boyfriend audios. Listening to Mr. Robinson telling me how wonderful and beautiful I am after *wink wink* keeps me from ruminating on my own thoughts or focusing on my sad feelings.
Their audios also cover a lot of concepts and fantasies which is a huge help for people who feel uncomfortable with theirs. 🙂
Best Kept Secret also has a strong and supportive community where you can connect with your fellow listeners, or as we like to call ourselves: sisterwives.
4) Journaling
At first, the idea of journaling felt daunting, like facing a powerful enemy – my own mind.
But as I began to pour my thoughts onto the pages, I started to gain insights and realizations about myself that I had never before considered.
For example, I’ve always thought that I wanted to save myself for marriage, but that was only because everyone around me growing up told me to do so, saying that I would only be worthy to my husband if I remained pure.
Without understanding what PCD is, this heavily affected my outlook on sex and romantic relationships. After being intimate with my boyfriend (now ex), I’d often find myself wrapped up in his arms while he slept peacefully beside me. Yet, despite his comforting presence, I would feel sad, unworthy, ashamed, and guilty. In those moments, I’d contemplate on whether or not I should break up with him because why would I feel this way if he truly is the one, right?
Through journaling, I came to realize that these feelings were rooted in my upbringing rather than the quality of my relationship.
wrapping up
I want to emphasize the personal nature of dealing with post-sex blues, especially regarding our beliefs and experiences around sex. I understand that it’s a journey often filled with judgement, confusion and self-doubt. But remember, your feelings are valid, and seeking support is nothing to be ashamed of. Whether through self-care, journaling, or simply acknowledging your emotions, know there’s no one-size-fits-all solution.
Be gentle with yourself, reach out for support when needed, and remember: you’re worthy of love and fulfillment in all aspects of your life, including your sexuality.
Keep exploring, keep learning, and keep being true to yourself.
You’ve got this.
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